Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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