I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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