Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
