I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
