smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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