I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
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