it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
