we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
