I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I DEMAND FORESKIN
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
