Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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