you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
