My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
