I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
