can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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