I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
