the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
