ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
