Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
