He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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