I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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