So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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