Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
