I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
