The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
