P.S. I can't hear my feet
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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