Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
