Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
