I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize