my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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