I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
