Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
