nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
