Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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