bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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