Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
