3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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