Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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