if i can run in heels then i can drive
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
