We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
