Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
