i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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