he puts the penis in happiness.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
