I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
