All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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