bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
