Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If that was your dad, he is hot
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
