what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
