Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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