This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
