so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
