8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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