Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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