I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
