a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize