I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
