before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
