After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
