i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
