The maid of honor just puked.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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