i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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