i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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