if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
