the day after is always just damage control
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize
