They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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